PUBLISHED TO YOUTUBE BY RONANKEATINGOFFICIAL ON FEB 26, 2020.
It is the chorus of this song that made me think of the story from which I am sharing today. This story is a short novella that starts with an accepted offer of marriage that has been years waiting to be given. The reason for those five long years of separation for our dear couple…well, read the first chapter and you’ll find out. 😉
Finally Mrs. Darcy, Ch. 1
Elizabeth took in the splendor of the ballroom. It was far grander than she had ever experienced. The walls were decorated with portraits and landscapes, one standing alongside the next with others over and below them. Four large chandeliers twinkled, their brilliance reflected in several mirrors that hung amongst the paintings. Down the length of the room to her left, doors opened into the house, while on her right were grand doors framed by pillars and heavy drapes leading into the garden. At the far end of the room, a small group of musicians was pausing between dances, and on the floor, only a few chalk flowers remained distinguishable. She no longer felt overdressed, though, she did still feel strange wearing colour after so long in mourning clothes.
“Come, my dear.” Her uncle, Gareth Amberly, took her elbow. “There are people to meet.”
Elizabeth put a smile on her face and nodded. At one time, she had enjoyed meeting people. It had been amusing to watch their interactions and make judgments about their character, but that was before she had discovered how very little she knew about judging character.
They had stopped about halfway down the length of the left side of the ballroom. Her uncle lifted onto his toes, stretching his neck this way and that as if searching for someone in particular. Inwardly, Elizabeth sighed and turned to admire a painting of a young woman with a small child on her lap and another standing just behind her shoulder.
Uncle Gareth had been eagerly talking about this ball for a fortnight. He was worse than Lydia for excitement and equaled her mother for chatter about this or that gentleman. She tilted her head and wistfully examined the face of the young child. No matter how she might long for a family of her own, Uncle Gareth was far more eager to see her remarried than she was.
Although her time in town had helped her spirits to lift enough to allow a small glimmer of hope that happiness might be possible, she truly had no desire to marry again…unless… She shook her head. That was hopeless. She had had her chance and squandered it. She was certain that Mr. Darcy had married long ago and to someone more acceptable than she.
She would have to be content with spoiling her nieces and nephews instead of her own children. The thought saddened her, but she would not marry again unless she could give her heart completely. And that was just simply impossible. She turned away from the painting just as her uncle turned to her with a pleased smile.
“Ah, there is someone for you to meet.” Mr. Amberly was once again steering her by the elbow through the crowds of people.
Although she longed to be anywhere but here in a bustling ballroom being introduced to gentlemen, she could not help her small giggle at his excitement. He was a dear man, and she would meet anyone he deemed worthy of the introduction.
“He is older but has never married.” Her uncle leaned close and, as if not wishing to be heard by his quarry, spoke in hushed tones. “Some say he has been nursing a broken heart for years so I’d not get my hopes up. However, one never knows.” He gave her a wink. “And you must start somewhere. You are too young to remain a widow. You need a husband and children. Jack was a good man, but he is not the only good man. In fact, I wondered at times if he really was the man for you.” He patted her arm reassuringly. “Oh, I know you were happy, but — and I probably should not speak so of my own nephew — there was something missing — a glow, a sparkle.” He patted her arm once again. “You were not designed for such a dull existence.”
Elizabeth blushed at the comment, for he was quite correct. Her marriage had been a happy one. Both husband and wife were good-natured and well-suited in temperament, but it was a dull existence. Jack would never cross Elizabeth in debate no matter how often she attempted to engage him, and he would never do anything to provoke. Though he found many things diverting, none was ever diverting enough to truly enjoy a good laugh ─ the kind that caused joy to bubble up and overwhelm your soul, that caused you to gasp for air and brush away tears. But, he had provided a good home, a good income, and good connections. Even after his passing, she had been surrounded by those who truly cared for her. She knew she should be thankful for such an arrangement — and truly, she was. She was content to be in such a secure position as she now was, but there was a part of her that longed for more…what was the word? Her cheeks flushed further as her mind found it. Passion — she longed for more passion in life.
“Here we are.” Her uncle tapped a gentleman on the shoulder.
Elizabeth gasped, and her free hand flew to her heart as the man turned around.
“Ah, Mr. Darcy, may I present my niece, Mrs. Amberly. Elizabeth, dear, this is Mr. Darcy of Pemberley in Derbyshire.” Her uncle hid a small smile as he took in the looks of astonishment on both faces. Perhaps the rumours he had heard were true. He waited a few moments for one or the other to speak, but seeing that it was unlikely, he prodded, “I had hoped you might be willing to dance with Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy. This is her first social event since she came out of mourning.”
“Mourning?” Darcy blinked and slowly shifted his gaze to the man next to Elizabeth. He struggled to remember the man’s name. He had met him once or twice. Had his uncle introduced the man to him?
Mr. Amberly nodded. “My nephew — died of a trifling cold that turned into a raging fever.”
“My condolences to you both.” Amberly, her name, as well as the gentleman’s, was Amberly. His gaze shifted from Mr. Amberly to Elizabeth.
“Thank you, Mr. Darcy.” Elizabeth’s voice was soft and wavered just a bit. “It came as a shock to have one so young taken so quickly. My father’s passing was less shocking.”
“Your father, too?” She had lost both a husband and a father? In all of his thinking about her, he had not once imagined so great a loss befalling her. No, his thoughts had always tended to see her happy with her sisters and father. He had supposed she would marry, but he never allowed the thought to occupy his mind for any length of time ─ the pain of such a thing was too great.
“The month prior,” said Elizabeth.
“Ah, but Elizabeth is here tonight to put much of that behind her.” Mr. Amberly smiled at Mr. Darcy. He had brought Elizabeth to this ball to meet this man to restore her happiness, and talk of dead husbands and fathers was not going to do it. A dance, a time to reminisce about a previous acquaintance, that was what was needed. “Not that a dance can make you forget those who have been lost,” he explained, “but it can help us move forward. Our lives simply must not stop because another’s life has ended.” He moved slightly so that Elizabeth was closer to Darcy and looked expectantly at the gentleman.
“I fear my uncle will be quite disappointed if we do not dance, sir.” Elizabeth smiled at her uncle and then returned her attention to Darcy. “I would be honoured to dance with you if I am still acceptable as a partner. I realize it has been five years since we last saw each other, but I think I can still qualify as a person known to you and not one of those less tolerable sort.” She leaned a bit closer and whispered. “Strangers.”
Her uncle could not hide his smile at that. It had been years since he had witnessed her lively wit. The absence of that wit was what first caused him to doubt the strength of the bond between her and his nephew. “May I leave her in your care, Mr. Darcy, and seek out my wife before she has engaged herself for every dance? I do not wish to be left standing about like an old fool?”
“You may.” Darcy gave a small bow of acceptance.
Mr. Amberly winked at Elizabeth and squeezed her elbow reassuringly before weaving his way through the crowd to find his wife.
An awkward silence filled her uncle’s place. A few people jostled passed them before Darcy spoke.
“Come, Mrs. Amberly, we must have some conversation. I hear it is required even in a ballroom.”
Elizabeth giggled behind her fan. “Shall we speak of books?”
He extended his arm to her as the music began. “Books should never be spoken of in a ballroom, and I would rather hear about you.” They took their place in line.
She glanced at the people beside her. “I doubt, sir, that here is the best place for such a conversation.”
He smiled, ignoring her suggestion. He did not wish to speak about the weather or some other trivial matter especially when he longed to hear about her. “Your sisters? Are they well?”
The music began and drew them together for a moment before sending them apart.
“They are,” she said as they came together again. “All save Kitty are married, but we expect a happy announcement shortly — or at least Uncle Gareth does. He is ever the optimist.” She stepped away and then back. “I, however, think it will be yet one more season before Kitty is settled. Four and twenty tends to turn a young woman’s mind to seriously contemplating marriage before her bloom has faded.”
As she wove her way in and out, she thought of how turning that age had inspired her to consider marriage without strong affection. The fear of being a burden to her family or worse, being left to scratch out a meager existence on her own, had caused her mother’s desire to see her daughters married and Charlotte’s choice to marry Mr. Collins understandable. And so, when Jack had presented his offer, it seemed only logical to accept. He did not claim to love her, but he did respect her. Feeling it was the best she would be able to manage, having already lost the one who held her heart, she had agreed.
Their hands met again. “Lydia is also married as you well know.”
He blinked and halted his steps nearly causing another gentleman to stumble. “And why would I know that?”
She lifted an eyebrow and stared up at him. “Because, you were there, sir.” She smiled. “Lydia cannot keep a secret, and when she and her husband visited Longbourn, she mentioned your attendance at her wedding. I admit that bit of information piqued my curiosity and my mind would not rest until I ferreted out the remaining information from my aunt Gardiner.” She looked away from his eyes for a moment. She wished to ask him why he had done so much for her sister and yet cut all ties to her family, but her heart faltered as a couple wound their way past her. So, instead, she said what she had wished to say those five years ago. “I must thank you on behalf of my family.”
Upon returning her gaze to him, she was startled to find a pained expression in his eyes. Thinking that in speaking of the incident, she may have spoken amiss, she was about to apologize when Darcy swiftly took her by the hand and led her out of the line, behind one of the columns next to the garden door and onto the terrace.
“You were right.” He said as they took the steps which led to the garden. “The dance floor was not the best place for such a conversation.” He placed her hand on his arm as they descended the steps and began down a path. “My actions toward your sister and Mr. Wickham were to salve my own conscience by guaranteeing you would not be harmed through my lack of openness regarding Mr. Wickham’s lack of character.” He stopped and looked at her. “I believe, I thought only of you.”
She shook her head in disbelief. How could he say such a thing? She had hoped that he had helped Lydia for her sake, but then, when Mr. Bingley had returned to Netherfield alone and said his connection with Mr. Darcy was at an end, her hope had faded. It was as she had first feared, he wanted nothing to do with a family who was so shamefully tied to Mr. Wickham.
“Why?” The question would not go unasked. “Why would you think so highly of me, and yet not…” She turned away. “Why did you not return?” She closed her eyes and attempted to prepare herself for whatever excuse he might give. She did not have a wish to hear his reason. It was something far more demanding. It was a need. She needed to know the truth for good or for ill.
Darcy watched her wrap her arms around herself and take one step away from him. “I spoke to Bingley shortly after Miss Lydia married Wickham.” He closed the distance between them. “I attempted to confess all that I had done to separate him from Miss Bennet, but he only heard half before he refused to listen further and stormed from my home.” The dirt on the path crunched lightly as he dug his toe into it.
“It was not because of Lydia?” It was a shocking thought, for she had never considered any other possibility.
“No,” Darcy replied firmly. “It was because of me. Bingley has had no contact with me since, other than to return my letters unopened and request that I not contact him or any of his family. By that time, you were included in that group, since he and your sister were married. So, I stayed away hoping that by doing as he requested, he might, at some point, forgive me. I continue to wait.”
“He speaks of you.” Elizabeth gave a quick glance over her shoulder. “Since Papa died. You may not have much longer to wait.”
“I have waited for an eternity, Elizabeth, and it has cost me dearly.” The depth of the pain in his words pierced her heart.
“When you did not return with Bingley, I thought it was because you did not wish to be associated with a family tied to Mr. Wickham or such foolish girls as Lydia — and who could blame you?” She turned to face him. “It broke my heart. I refused to attend assemblies for nearly a year. Mama thought it was because I missed Jane, but it was you I missed.” She took one of his hands. “Eventually, I could no longer refuse to attend, and I met Jack. He was a pleasant man. He smiled much and spoke well of all he met. I believe he was constitutionally incapable of being disagreeable. He respected me, and I was happy, but he was not you.” She squeezed his hand. “I loved him, but not as I love you.”
“You love me?” Darcy stood perfectly still. His breath caught in his chest as he waited for her reply. The thought that his affections might be returned threatened to make him embarrass himself by either causing him to weep or shout or, heaven forbid, both.
“For these five long years, I have loved you. I have tried not to, but it is impossible. I fear I shall always love you.” A breeze tugged a wisp of hair free, and she brushed it away from her face. “It is why I have told my uncle I do not wish to marry again — not that he will hear of that, but it was not fair to Jack and would not be fair to another to give him only part of me.”
“You love me.” Thankfully, his delight only spread across his face and did not express itself with any more exuberance than that.
She nodded.
“Are you certain you will never marry again?” He stepped closer to her, looked into her eyes and brushed that wayward wisp of hair from her cheek.
“Never.” She drew the hand she held around her waist. “Unless it is you.”
“You will marry me?” Again, the happiness of his heart wished to be released in a cry of victory, but he would not allow it.
“If you will have me.” She smiled up at him as his arms pulled her close.
“You will marry me.” He bent his head to kiss her softly. “My feelings and wishes have never changed. I love you now as I loved you then, most ardently.”
Elizabeth drew his mouth back down to hers. These were the kisses for which she had longed. The kind of kiss that sent fire racing through her body from her lips all the way down to her toes. The kind of kiss that caused her to long for greater intimacy.
“Elizabeth,” he whispered near her ear as he pressed kisses along her neck. “When? When will you marry me?”
She sighed and held him tightly to her. “This very moment if it were possible.”
“I shall acquire a special license. One week,” he announced before claiming her lips once again, “one week, and you shall be mine.”
So, obviously, the conflict in this story is not a will they get together sort of conflict. 🙂 It’s more about how happy will their future be. It’s about forgiveness and reconciliation.
Thanks for a delightful excerpt from a story that I own and love dearly. I will definitely have to read it again.
You’re welcome. 🙂 I’m delighted that you like it enough to read it again. I love re-reading books. It’s like visiting old friends.
Yes, I’m going to have to dig that up, right now I am reaquainting myself with Choices.
Oooh that sounds like fun, too.
Oh-My-Gosh, I love the song and I ADORE that story. Dang, you keep reviewing all these oldies but goodies and I want to go back and read them again. This was a most excellent story and that scene was my favorite. I love the elder Mr. Amberly. He was adorable. Thanks for sharing this scene with us.
I listened to that song three times this morning. 🙂 I really like it! I love the part, in this chapter, where he turns around and they see each other for the first time in five years. (And the garden bit is good, too. LOL)