Music Monday: This I Promise You (Ronan Keating)

Published to YouTube by ronankeatingofficial

Today’s song choice is being paired with an excerpt from Her Heart’s Choice where Anne finally realizes what Alex has been promising her all along, and she can see her forever right there in front of her. However, will it be a realization which is just a little too late?

Her Heart’s Choice, Chapter 9 Excerpt

Mary stood between Rycroft and Kitty, waiting to welcome her new cousin and friend.  “I am so happy to see you, Anne.  I have wished for a visit from you, but Lady Sophia tells me you have been very busy with interviews.”

“I have,” Anne leaned close to Mary, “but it has not been enjoyable.  They are all rather dull. I would much rather spend time with you and your sisters.”

Mary smiled and pulled Anne into an embrace.  “Tomorrow, you must join us at the museum.”

“I would like that.”  Anne felt a sigh of relief pass through her that she would not be subjected to yet another round of dull interviews.

Kitty took Anne’s hand.  “You have not yet met our sister Lydia.  I can assure you that our visit will be anything but dull with her along.”

Mary chuckled. “She has improved in the last month, but she is still Lydia.”  A rather loud giggle was heard from the drawing room. “That is she.  Lydia is rarely quiet.  Come.” She wrapped her arm around Anne’s, ignoring the look of displeasure from her husband at being displaced by his cousin.  “I will introduce you.  Everyone else is here, so we are just beginning with some wine in the drawing room while we wait for our meal to be ready.”

“Georgiana was allowed to come,” said Kitty, “since we did not wish the men to outnumber the ladies.”

“Samuel invited some friends.”  There was a hint of concern in Mary’s voice.  “There was one he did not wish to invite, but things have changed, and it really could not be helped.”

Anne stopped walking.  They were just outside the door to the drawing room, and she could clearly hear Alex’s voice. “And who might these guests be?” she asked, turning toward Rycroft.

Rycroft glanced at Richard and the admiral as if asking for their support. “Madoch, Lester, Endicott, and Blackmoore.” He grimaced at the last name.  “He is the one that could not be helped. Please stay.”

“All will be well,” assured Mary.  “Blackmoore has offered for Miss Bingley and been accepted.  He has also apologized to Samuel and promises to be on his best behaviour.  He knows that his footing is tenuous.  Should he be dismissed from this gathering, he might also lose Miss Bingley.”  She leaned her head closer to Anne’s and lowered her voice.  “Mr. Bingley and Mr. Hurst were not pleased to hear of the cut he received, and were they not so anxious to rid themselves of their sister, I doubt his offer would have found success.”

Anne smiled at that but shook her head.  Her body wished to run from the house, but her stubborn nature would not allow it.  She also knew that she would place a cloud of disappointment over the party if she did not stay, and so she would.  She would also have Rycroft know her displeasure at the circumstances. “I have had my fill of trying gentlemen today,” she said firmly as she glared at Rycroft.  “If either of them do anything to make me uneasy, I will leave.”

“No,” said Rycroft firmly, “they will leave.  I promise.  I have told Blackmoore as much, and as Mary said, he has given his word, although I am not certain I put much faith in it.”

“All will be well,” Mary tried to assure once again.

“Rycroft has a pistol, and I am a crack shot,” whispered the admiral, causing Anne and the others to laugh.  “So, you see, you have nothing to fear.”

Anne shook her head again and drew a deep breath.  “Very well, I shall stay as long as Rycroft’s pistols are handy.”

Mary tightened her arm around Anne’s and gave her one more reassuring smile before they entered the room.

Anne, hoping that she was doing a credible job of looking the part of a self-assured lady, smiled and curtseyed in greeting to all who were gathered.  Thankfully, everyone returned to their prior conversations, and Anne found a seat next to Kitty and tucked out of view of the gentlemen, whom she wished to avoid. She occupied herself by observing the occupants of the room and attending half-heartedly to the conversation between Kitty and Elizabeth until dinner was announced.

“Oh, la,” said Lydia rather loudly.  “Who shall escort me to dinner?”

Kitty groaned, and Elizabeth closed her eyes while Mary, who stood next to Rycroft, gave her youngest sister a decidedly pointed look.

“Please do not subject me to taking her into dinner,” came a voice from behind Anne.  “I would much rather converse with a friend.”

Anne turned toward Alex.

“Please,” he begged.

Anne had opened her mouth to refuse, but when he smiled at her just then, she found her words turning to those of acceptance instead of refusal.

“Thank you,” said Alex extending his arm to her.

Anne hesitated before taking it. “This is only as friends.”

He nodded his agreement, but there was something about his eyes that made Anne believe he was not being entirely truthful with her.

“We shall sit by one of your cousins, and you shall be perfectly safe,” he said.

She began to smile at him for that was what she was sure was expected, but then thought better of it.  Since when, she chided herself, had she done something simply because it was expected?  “I fear you are not being truthful,” she said as they walked.

He shook his head.  “I am afraid you are wrong.  I have no intentions of placing you in the way of danger.”

“Perhaps,” she agreed as she took her seat, “but you do not intend for us to be mere friends.”

“For this meal, I do.”  He smiled at her and flicked an eyebrow.  “Beyond this evening, you know my wish.”

“It shall not be granted.”

“That remains to be seen,” he replied.  “Now, shall we turn the topic before you become distressed, and I am ousted from this meal.  My stomach has been rumbling for half an hour, and I have no intention of going hungry.”

“Very well,” she conceded.  “Of what do you wish to speak? Your uncle?”

He smiled.  “My uncle is well, though he has a bit of gout in his foot, which slows him, but his business is thriving.  There is nary a soul who is not pleased with his service.  Nearly the finest horses in Brighton.”

She laughed.  “If you are trying to sell me on his business, Mr. Madoch, you should be saying that his horses are the finest, not nearly the finest.”

He smiled. “Ah, but that I cannot do.”

“No,” said Jonathan, who was seated next to his friend.  “His Highness would not be best pleased to hear his are not the finest.” He lowered his voice to just above a whisper before adding, “even if they are outshone by Madoch’s uncle.”

“You remember Mr. Lester, do you not?” Alex asked Anne.  “I believe you met him once before?”

“I am not certain if I do remember him.” Anne studied Mr. Lester’s face for a moment.  He did look oddly familiar, but she could not place him.

“We went riding six years ago — you, me, and Madoch,” Jonathan tipped his head and looked back at her.  “I believe it was the day before Madoch and I departed for Brighton.”

“That was you?” she asked softly.  Her mind recalled him perfectly now.  She had slipped from her room to meet Alex for a ride and had found him in the company of a friend.

“It was.”

“Forgive me for my lack of memory,” she apologized.

“It is understandable.  It has been six years, and ours was but a passing acquaintance.”  He dropped his eyes to his plate.  “I’ve not had the opportunity to forget you,” he said it softly.

She heard the accusation in Mr. Lester’s tone and looked at Alex, who shrugged.  “I often speak of home, and since you are part of those memories, I fear Lester has heard of you often.”

Anne smiled and then focused on the vegetables on her plate.  Such comments were definitely not keeping her safe, no matter how closely she sat to any of her cousins or their wives.  He had spoken of her and thought of her — often. She wondered if it had been as often as she had thought of him and if he had thought of her in a flattering way or a vengeful way.  The thought startled her.  Perhaps he wished to marry her, not because he still loved her, but because he wished to repay her for shunning him.  Perhaps he did not want to marry her at all.  Perhaps he wished for her to want to marry him, so that he might toss her aside.  She stabbed a carrot particularly hard. The tines of her fork made a horrid scraping sound on her plate, and her cheeks flushed in embarrassment.  She chewed the offending vegetable slowly and thoroughly before attempting to continue any sort of conversation.

Carrot conquered, and embarrassment partially faded, she made a second attempt at small talk.  “I would tell you of my uncles, but I believe you already know how they do.  Well,” she said with a wave of her hand in Darcy’s direction and glance toward Rycroft, “at least the ones who remain.”  Her cheeks flushed again.  She had not meant for the comment to sound as unfeeling as it did.  “I mean to say we have had a great deal of loss in our family over the past six years.  Rycroft’s father, Darcy’s, my own.”  She hated how her voice always caught whenever she mentioned her father’s death.  It had been nearly six years.  When would it ever become a topic of which she could speak without that feeling of despair gripping her heart as it did.

“I was sorry to hear of your father’s passing,” Alex said softly.

“Thank you,” she whispered and bowed her head so that she could not see the understanding in his eyes.  Of course, he knew how dearly she had loved her father, for she had spoken of it to him on more than one occasion.

As Alex watched her fidget with the napkin in her lap and draw silent deep breaths, he began to reason out her refusal just a bit as a particular conversation came to mind, a conversation that had caused her to act as she was now.

“He wanted to take me to Bath to see the assembly rooms, and I wished for him to take the waters, but my mother will not allow it,” she had fumed as they road the length of a long field near Rosings.

The comment had shocked him. Anne’s father had been ill for several months — three, at least.  It did not appear to be anything grave or oversetting but rather a general attitude of malaise.

“Why?” he had asked.  

“My uncle requires assistance, and so the money that father had set aside for our journey had to be given to Lord Matlock.” 

She had fidgeted with the reins in her hands and drawn several deep breaths as quietly as she was now. Then she had continued.

“Lord Matlock must not be refused.  He is an earl after all, and my father is merely a baronet. The will of one comes before and at the expense of the other.” She shrugged.  “It is just the way things are and always will be.”

She had then clucked to her horse and galloped ahead of him, and the topic was at an end.  She would not return to it, no matter how many times and in how many ways he had attempted to broach it again.

Alex leaned close to his friend and whispered.  “I had not considered, when playing, how a pawn might feel being used at the expense of the more powerful pieces on the board.”

Jonathan’s brows furrowed.

Alex tipped his head toward Anne, just slightly.  “I was thinking of how you accused me of protecting my knight above all, and I began to consider how the other pieces might view such treatment.  The pawns would think nothing of it as that is the way of rank.”  He shrugged. “Perhaps, I might win more games if I treated the pawns as carefully as I did the pieces of rank such as the knight.”

Jonathan’s brows remained furrowed.

“It is as you said.  There is often a reason for every action.” He smiled at his friend’s continued look of confusion.  “I am sure you will see what I mean eventually,” said Alex, turning back to his meal.

“You play chess?” asked Anne.

Alex nodded.  “I do.  I do not play well, but I do play. Do you?”

“On occasion,” replied Anne.

“My brother is quite good,” interjected Georgiana.  “I have beaten him once, but I think he allowed it.”  She giggled and leaned forward as she whispered, “Elizabeth is helping me learn, so that he will not need to allow me to win next time.”

“And is Mrs. Darcy a good player?” Jonathan asked.

Georgiana smirked.  “My brother does much more huffing and shushing when he plays her than when he plays me.” Her three companions chuckled at this.  “I have often thought the pawns were the bravest,” she added. “They march forward into battle with little power to protect themselves, but always with the intent of protecting their king.”  She shrugged.  “I find that brave.”

“I had not considered it as such,” said Jonathan, “but I would have to agree.”

“I would not choose to be a pawn, however,” Georgiana replied with a smile.  “I am not so very brave.”

“And what piece would you be?” asked Alex.

Georgiana pursed her lips and furrowed her brow.  “I had not considered it.”

“I would be the queen,” said Anne. “She can move as she wants and holds great power.  The others will often protect not only the king but the queen as well, and,” she lifted her fork as she made her point, “a pawn will march his way across a board, facing danger at every move, just to become a queen.”

“I should not like to be the queen,” said Georgiana softly.  “I would not wish such a great responsibility.”

“Responsibility?” questioned Anne.

Georgiana nodded.  “If the queen is captured, does she not put every other piece in greater danger, including the king?”  She blushed.  “I like to imagine the king and queen love each other.”  She made the admission quietly.  “I should hate to place any I love in danger.” She was quiet for a moment.  “I have changed my mind,” she said finally, “I think I should like to be a pawn, bravely defending those she loves — if only I could be so brave.”

Alex nodded thoughtfully.  “I still would wish to be the knight.” He smiled.  “Not only would I then get to defend my king and queen with my life, but I would also get to ride a horse while doing so.”

His tone may have been light, nearly a laugh, but the intensity with which he looked at Anne was far from light.  She understood his meaning.  Somehow he had figured out that she wished for protection and was offering it to her. The thought startled her, but she joined the others as they laughed at his comment while inside, her stomach was twisting with that peculiar knotted feeling once again, and her heart ached. Regret.  She could no longer deny that it was indeed regret.  Her breath caught in a small gasp.

Alex heard it and opened his mouth to ask her if she was well.

Anne held his gaze and sadly shook her head.  Then, pushing her chair back, she rose quickly and excused herself, hurrying to exit the dining room before the tears that gathered could spill down her cheeks.

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This Anne deBorough is not exactly a “proper” young lady. She is lively and determined and set on doing things her way. In this story, she has advertised in the paper for a husband. That is why she is doing interviews. 🙂

Her Heart’s Choice is the fourth book in my Choices series, which is currently in Kindle Unlimited and, therefore, exclusive to the Kindle store. That will, however, change on February 16, 2020, when the Choices series exits Kindle Unlimited. Then, I will return it to all my other vendors. These books are best read in order as there are things which carry over from one book to the next.

The whole series is available in both an ebook and a print edition full-series compilation. This way you could have all four books in one and can move directly from one story to the next without having to locate the story in your library.

At the end of Her Heart’s Choice, there is an epilogue, which you really shouldn’t skip as it gives a glimpse into the future and makes one final mention of the necklace that plays an important role in the series.

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